RSVP Etiquette: What It Means, When to Reply, and How to Set the Date
RSVP etiquette for hosts and guests: what RSVP and 'regrets only' mean, how far ahead to set the reply date, how quickly to reply, changing your answer, and plus-ones.
RSVP is four letters that cause a surprising amount of uncertainty. Here’s the etiquette, for hosts setting it up and guests answering it.
What RSVP means
Répondez s’il vous plaît: “please reply”. It asks every guest to answer, yes or no, by the date given. Not replying isn’t a polite no; it leaves the host guessing.
“Regrets only” means reply only if you can’t come. Fine for an informal drinks; risky for anything catered, because silence is ambiguous.
For hosts
Set a reply-by date. Without one, replies drift to the night before.
| Event | Reply-by date |
|---|---|
| Casual party, drinks | 3–7 days before |
| Dinner, birthday party | 1 week before |
| Baby shower, graduation | 1–2 weeks before |
| Wedding, catered event | 2–4 weeks before (when the caterer needs numbers) |
| Offsite with travel | 4–6 weeks before |
Make replying easy. One tap beats “email me back with your meal choice”. How to make an online invitation with RSVP.
Be clear about plus-ones and children. Ambiguity here causes most awkward replies. Plus-one wording.
Follow up once, kindly, with non-replies only. Reminder wording.
For guests
- Reply within a few days, and always by the date.
- Answer the question asked. If it says “plus-one welcome”, say whether you’re bringing one.
- Mention dietary needs when you reply, not on the day.
- “Maybe” is a placeholder, not an answer. If you’re unsure, give the host a date you’ll know by.
- If plans change, tell the host straight away. Late is better than silent.
- Don’t bring people who weren’t invited.
Frequently asked questions
What does RSVP mean? Please reply: answer yes or no by the date given.
What does “regrets only” mean? Reply only if you can’t come.
How soon should you reply to an RSVP? Within a few days, always by the date.
Is it rude to change your RSVP? No, if you tell the host as early as possible.
More: how to track RSVPs for a party · save-the-date vs invitation timing